I cannot remember the last time I have prayed.
Every time I fall asleep in bed, I can only think of myself and how life revolves around me.
I do wish, time to time, that I could return to Him.
I am so tired and sad inside, that the only way I think I could be truly happy again is if I cry with him.
This probably doesnt make a lot of sense, but right now it really does.
Maybe Fe wasnt the best choice in my life.
But he will pass, and although it hurts right now, knowing him , he'll be alright.
Right now he isnt my main concern though.
What worries me the most is life.
Life in its full-speed glory, ready to ram into me.
How can I ever, ever possibly, live this life?
How many more heartbreaks can I take, how many more disappoints and failures can I take?
And I'm only 16.
People say age is only a number, but I think the saying only fits for the elderly.
Those who have already felt life in its complete nakedness.
I want to get rid of all this, incompleteness, lagging behind me.
But I cant.
It's so hard.
I can only think of how I will never be good enough and how I will always be stuck in this awkward
reality of who I am.
I wish I could get a grip on things.
Felix, school, friends, myself, and God.
Moments come and pass when I cant do anything, but sit and cry.
Cry over my pathetic decisions, and my current foolishness.
Nobody would want me, not a screw up like me.
And I know that there is truly only one person who knows me more than I do, and
can fulfill my thirst to really live life.
But I cant turn to them right now.
I dont have the face to do that.
Give me courage, give me love.
Give me comfort and heal this heart of mine,
O Lord.
Every time I fall asleep in bed, I can only think of myself and how life revolves around me.
I do wish, time to time, that I could return to Him.
I am so tired and sad inside, that the only way I think I could be truly happy again is if I cry with him.
This probably doesnt make a lot of sense, but right now it really does.
Maybe Fe wasnt the best choice in my life.
But he will pass, and although it hurts right now, knowing him , he'll be alright.
Right now he isnt my main concern though.
What worries me the most is life.
Life in its full-speed glory, ready to ram into me.
How can I ever, ever possibly, live this life?
How many more heartbreaks can I take, how many more disappoints and failures can I take?
And I'm only 16.
People say age is only a number, but I think the saying only fits for the elderly.
Those who have already felt life in its complete nakedness.
I want to get rid of all this, incompleteness, lagging behind me.
But I cant.
It's so hard.
I can only think of how I will never be good enough and how I will always be stuck in this awkward
reality of who I am.
I wish I could get a grip on things.
Felix, school, friends, myself, and God.
Moments come and pass when I cant do anything, but sit and cry.
Cry over my pathetic decisions, and my current foolishness.
Nobody would want me, not a screw up like me.
And I know that there is truly only one person who knows me more than I do, and
can fulfill my thirst to really live life.
But I cant turn to them right now.
I dont have the face to do that.
Give me courage, give me love.
Give me comfort and heal this heart of mine,
O Lord.
